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Suppose a majority of voters feel uncomfortable about the state's new concealed carry gun law. All the mayor has to do is tell every Chicagoan with a concealed carry permit they have to relocate to beautiful Chicago West, which features open plains and all manner of mountain lions, deer, antelope and bighorn sheep to sneak up on and shoot.
She even heard from someone who asked whether it would be possible to buy the property and build "an airstrip and a cemetery."
This simple plan will undoubtedly boost Emanuel's favorability ratings, as he'll have single handedly made Chicago more bearable. And it can all be had for the low, low price of 40 percent of what the Chicago Forward PAC raised in one day.
And if you happen to hear from the Chicago Forward PAC, Ms. Montgomery, you're not going to want to ask either. Trust me, they'll be bringing things way worse than an airstrip and cemetery.
Are voters sick of all the foodies making it impossible to find a plain old regular hamburger in Chicago? Boom. Bye, bye foodies. Enjoy the chislic, a popular South Dakota meal of deep fried meat cubes dipped in garlic salt and served with saltines.
A little polling could inform the mayor's decisions on what Nike Foamposite On Feet
The town is called Swett, presumably named after someone who couldn't spell properly, and it's inhabited by two humans and a dog. According to Realtor Stacie Montgomery, the roughly 6 acre parcel is selling for $399,000 and comes with a bar, a house and three trailers.
Bicyclists who weave through city traffic could be shipped off to South Dakota to feed the aforementioned mountain lions, assuming the lions aren't already full from eating all the foodies.
And any irritating newspaper columnists could be hogtied and actually, forget that one.
to deport to Chicago West.
Lastly, in order to help get Hillary Clinton elected president, Emanuel could weed out all of Chicago's tea party supporters and send them to live in this gun rich, sated mountain lion, Trump tastic, columnist free South Dakota paradise, where they can yell and grouse and vote to defund Obamacare to their hearts' content.
Hear me out on that last one. As fate would have it, there's a small town in southwest South Dakota that recently came on the market, Nike Dunk Joli and purchasing this town could be enough to guarantee Emanuel's re election in 2015.
Buy a South Dakota town
Kanye West and Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan could be sent to the Chicago West suburb of Egopolis, new home of the famous Trump International Hotel Pink Nike Basketball Shoes Mens
"Some of it is the novelty of the town, but then there are some people who've talked about getting the town going again, and then some who've talked about wanting to live somewhere Nike Dunk Retro Qs Men's Shoe
remote," she said.
But the Super PAC folks had better hurry if they're going to get the mayor his spare town. Montgomery, the Realtor, told me she has been fielding a slew of inquiries from California, New York, Belgium, Italy and China.
Tower. (I know Corgan doesn't technically live in Chicago, but having him out of the area might improve things.)
Even though the mayor isn't currently facing a major challenger in his bid for a second term, his approval rating is low. But say a Super PAC was to come along and buy a small South Dakota town, name it Chicago West (no relation to Kanye) and then allow Emanuel to use the town to discreetly store certain elements of Chicago that people would like to see, shall we say, disappear?
Annoyed by the Trump International Hotel Tower and its garish TRUMP sign? Emanuel can have that baby airlifted to a portion of Chicago West reserved for only the wealthiest of Chicago rejects.
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